


santa monica (i’m racing in the lights)

by vanillaskin



Category: The Centricide (Webseries)
Genre: Accidental Voyeurism, Anal Sex, Background Relationships, Blow Jobs, Conservative-centric, Crying, Daddy Kink, Degradation, Dialogue Heavy, Hand Jobs, Holding Hands, Hotels, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Internalized Homophobia, Kissing, Light Angst, Light Drinking, M/M, Masturbation, Partying, Questioning, Religious Guilt, Santa Monica, Slow Burn, Swimming Pools, like only if you squint, this is in conservatives pov so in the few times he mentions ancom he’s gonna misgender qim
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-18
Updated: 2020-10-18
Packaged: 2021-03-07 22:20:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 16,854
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26885017
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vanillaskin/pseuds/vanillaskin
Summary: The streets of Santa Monica were loud and bustling as Conservative sat, listening to them in the passenger seat of Socialist’s car. He rested his head on the window, taking in the sights around him as music of Father John Misty filled his ears as well as the ideologies’ voices who sat in the backseats. He watched how the party trees swayed and swung in the summer wind, the children and their mothers walking down the streets, the voices of shouting teenagers laughing as they recorded videos of one another, and if he listened close enough, he could hear the faint cries of a music festival in the distance.It was so beautiful.
Relationships: Ancap/Nazi, Ancom/Commie, Homofash/Conservative, Libertarian/Ancap, Minarchist/Hoppean, Rightist Unity, leftist unity - Relationship
Comments: 18
Kudos: 55





	santa monica (i’m racing in the lights)

**Author's Note:**

> disclaimer i HATE irl conservatives and this fic is truly made out of spite and to make fun of them 
> 
> anyways conservative is going through a Rough . time being with so many gays at once which just reminds him of his looming crush on homofash
> 
> burning desire by lana is good. stream it

Conservative knew things were off between him and Homofash since the start.

They had met once before now, when Homofash was younger. If he remembered correctly, it was possibly in the 1950’s— or maybe even the 60’s. 

It was a short meeting. They were at the same bar, and Homofash had approached him first. He had chatted up a storm, and Conservative could barely even remember a word Homofash had said to him that night. It didn’t lead to anything, as Conservative had told Homofash he had a wife, and unsurprisingly Homofash had suddenly become uninterested. Conservative knew well what Homofash wanted, even if at the time he dressed much more modestly. Conservative had a strong, deeprooted disdain for homosexuality, but didn’t attempt to surface it. It would be a sin to openly admit you hate a group of people, of course, Conservative couldn’t hate anyone— he couldn’t hate anything God had created.

Nowadays, homosexuality isn’t really his main focus as before. He’s more disappointed in the loss of Christian values in America, and he wasn’t sure if he could handle it. People are openly free to do whatever they want to do, of course, but having some overarching authority helping establish baseline Christian family values would make Conservative very content.

He barely remembers what happened between him and Homofash seventy years ago. He had other things to worry about, such as his wife, Christlib, and the well-being of his many adopted civilian children, who are mostly all grown, besides one who is going to turn 18 in November. All of his children were either adopted from foster care or from overseas, and he and Christlib had raised all of their children with Christian values, even though two or three deviated as they grew older. It was quite disturbing, though, watching the children he and Christlib adopted back when they first got married grow old and die, and has left some emotional scarring on him even though he knew it was going to happen eventually. Overall, his life was very simple, traditional, and very Christian.

Everything changed when he got a phone call from Ancap that one summer evening.

Ancap had invited him to travel over to Santa Monica for Nazi’s 100th birthday party, which was _very_ late considering that his birthday was all the way back in February, but they wanted a hot coastside getaway; which was understandable. Conservative was hesitant at first, the idea of staying at a hotel near the beaches of Santa Monica with a bunch of homosexuals sounded very… not Christian, but him and Nazi used to be old friends and he felt like he owed it to him to go. He accepted after a day or two of thinking. 

Flights from Fort Thomas to Santa Monica were nothing close to cheap. They averaged around $350 to $400, and Conservative and to practically _beg_ Christlib to allow him to go. She was hesitant at first, considering that their teenage son was going through a short rebellious phase at the moment and she didn’t want to handle him alone. She eventually let up, though, figuring that Conservative needed a vacation every once in a while. He asked her if he could ask Ancap if she could attend as well, but she had no interest. The idea of leaving their son with a babysitter, or worse, _alone,_ was scary to her. Conservative understood and agreed.

The flight was smooth. He sat alone with another woman and another man, who didn’t seem like they knew each other. He sat by the window, staring out at the clouds most of the flight, and he couldn’t sleep the entire time, but he didn’t know why. He’s never dealt with insomnia before. It was possibly anxiety, but he really had nothing to worry about, at least he thought. He didn’t dwell on that for much longer after he landed. 

The hotel was nice, four and half starred. He assumed that everyone was going to help chip in to pay at the end, which Conservative had no problem doing, though he did see Ancom groan at the idea. He felt slightly out of place, with everyone there being Nazi, Ancap, Ancom, Commie, Libertarian, Minarchist, Hoppean, Homofash, Anfem, and Socialist. ‘At least Anfem and Socialist have one another,’ he thought. He had nobody.

Ancap was the one who decided the room arrangements (because he of all people was the most organized,) and announced them when everyone was in the lobby together. They were all one bed, except two which were two bed. It went as is: Libertarian and Ancap, Minarchist and Hoppean, Ancom and Commie, Homofash and Conservative, Socialist and Anfem, and finally Nazi- who had a room to himself, because he relishes in his privacy. 

When Ancap announced to Conservative that he would be staying in a two bed room with Homofash, the sudden flooding of the memory of when he and Homofash had met for the first time popped into his mind. He was about to object, asking if he could possibly switch with someone, but he decided not to push it— Homofash probably forgot anyway, considering how much he got around.

It‘s the second day in now, and the first day didn’t really count since they got there at night and nothing much happened besides everyone getting settled into their rooms. Nothing important happened between him and Homofash, besides Homofash’s obvious flirting and Conservative acting fake oblivious in a way to turn him down, which didn’t work. It’s not like Conservative cared too much, anyway; he knew as long as he was respectful and that he and Homofash didn't do… _anything,_ he was fine.

He wasn’t fine.

  
  
  
  


It was the second night when the ideologies had decided to go spend time in the jacuzzi, and they probably wouldn’t have all agreed to this if most of them weren’t already tipsy or bearing on drunkenness. Conservative wasn’t, he didn’t drink, and he had to be practically _dragged_ out of the hotel hallway and to the jacuzzi. They all snuggly fit into it, and they were lucky it was able to fit a max of eleven people. Conservative was stuck between Homofash and Ancom, which was a nightmare come true— fiercely holding back the urge to push them away and run inside. He knew it would be embarrassing, though, since he was the only one wearing a fucking _t-shirt,_ (besides Ancom, but he had a more valid reason,) and he didn’t want to get bullied more than he already was.

Commie and Nazi were still wearing those… hats that they wore, and the two didn’t get smack about it. Conservative wanted to say something, but he was too passive to do so. 

They were all laughing and talking to one another about whatever they wanted to, having their own separate conversations with the people sitting next to them. He stared at Minarchist and Hoppean, who looked like they were in their own separate world _._ Conservative looked at Hoppean funny, for he had never met him before and didn’t know Hoppean had wings. Once in a blue moon you’ll see an ideology who looks very… _non-human,_ such as Posadist. But with Hoppean, it was different— everything about him was normal besides the fact that he had sizable, eagle-like wings on his back. It was a trip. He wondered if he could fly, or was he just flightless, like a penguin? _Can penguins fly?_ He doesn’t know.

“Oh, so you have a thing for Hoppean now?” Conservative nearly jumped as he heard Homofash mock him. He blushed a deep red despite what he said being untrue— he was just embarrassed.

“I’m afraid I do not. I was simply just staring at his wings.” Conservative muttered quietly, making weak eye contact with the degenerate who was embarrassingly taller than him sitting down, unlike when they stood. He felt weak; not because of any physical aspect, but just _looking_ at Homofash made him feel anxious inside, an unfamiliar, foreign feeling that he didn’t enjoy very much.

“Figures. You doing alright there, though? You look like you’re about to snap in half.” Homofash laughed as he looked at Conservative, whose hands were twitching under the water. This felt wrong. He shouldn’t be talking to someone who is the literal _embodiment_ of all sin, and it was hard for Conservative to believe they were in the same quadrant. If you were to observe from far away, it looked as if Conservative’s muddy blue aura was doing everything it could to divert its energy away from Homofash’s neon pink— it was comical. 

“I’m fine, I’ve just never done something like this before.” Conservative said, quickly licking his lips, not meaning anything by it because they were just dry, but Homofash smirked at the action.

“You’ve never been in a jacuzzi before? At your big age? You’re like, totally the oldest person here.” That was true, he was the oldest person here. He was 186, a few decades older than the second oldest, Commie. He was slightly embarrassed at Homofash’s comment, feeling a bit like a bore with no life, which was untrue. But he didn’t want Homofash to think of him as such. 

“I’m too busy to do anything recreational, it’s quite the shame.” Conservative shrugged, his voice representing itself in a disappointed tone.

“You speak so old-timey. It’s cute.” Homofash said, his fingers lightly brushing against Conservative’s shoulder, and he shuddered. Internally, he took offense to Homofash’s compliment, but he didn’t say anything about it. The fascist wasn’t wrong, though— Conservative used to reside in England for most of his life until he immigrated to America in the 1930s, and overtime, causing himself to develop a natural transatlantic accent. He wasn’t insecure about this fact, in actuality, he quite liked it; it gave him a sense of classic normalcy that had always rested in his soul since his coming of age.

“Why, thank you. Your voice is very fine as well.” He was saying it to be polite. Homofash’s voice made Conservative uneasy; it was so feminine and high-pitched, which was considerably common among feminine gay men. He had nothing against it other than the fact he found it annoying.

“Aw, that’s sweet. Thought you would hate it. Most people do, but I win them over anyway.” Homofash winked. Conservative twitched.

“Wait, wait, everyone—“ Conservative turned his head toward Anfem, and so did everybody else and she successfully got their attention.

“I’m trying to make Socialist feel better because he told me something humiliating and I laughed at him, and now he’s acting like a recluse because he told me he downloaded _fucking Grindr-_ “ She was interrupted. Conservative was confused— what is Grindr?

“Why would you ever do that, ever?” Minarchist sounded astonished as he made bold eye contact with Socialist.

“I was bored, okay? Plus, I going through this _horrible_ dry spell,” Socialist was harshly interrupted.

“Okay, you cannot use the term dry spell if you’re still a fucking virgin,” Anfem scolded him.

“You’re still a virgin? And you wanted to loose your virginity… to a civilian… on _Grindr?_ ” Ancom’s words made Conservative’s breath hitch. He understands what they are talking about now. Socialist looked gravely embarrassed despite the light air, and Conservative knew how he felt, shooting him a sympathetic look.

“Okay, okay. No more bullying. But… I just want to ask you one question, what was the worst pick up line you got while using it?” Libertarian evilly smirked.

“If each is according to their abilities, I can assure you that your needs is this dick.” 

“Good _God.”_ Hoppean laughed as he said it, and so did everyone else too. Conservative and Nazi were the only ones who didn’t laugh, unsurprisingly. They didn’t see how it was funny. Conservative was sure that the only difference between him and Nazi at the moment was that Conservative truly understood what it meant, and Nazi was so confused that his eyebrows furrowed. The identitarian was always a bit slow. 

“I just want to say that seeing this.. group together is the most trippy thing I think I’ve ever experienced? Why in the fuck would Anfem, one of my closest friends-“

“Awe.”

“-want to be in the same pool of water as.. Nazi.” Homofash laughed, and everyone else shortly chuckled. Conservative hated to admit it, but he agreed. _Why_ is Anfem in the same place as Nazi, and only being separated by one person inbetween them?

“Okay, okay, I actually have something to add to that,” Anfem paused before speaking again, turning her body a bit to grab the half empty champagne glass that rested on the hem of the jacuzzi to take a sip. 

“If it wasn’t for me and Anqueer, who sadly cannot be here today, half of the people in this group would not be dating one another, nor would this party _ever_ have happened. It's the butterfly effect, right? When Ancap and Libertarian first moved to L.A., my intuition was that, ‘woah, they look like they’re in love,’ so I got Ancap drunk enough so when he went home, he would possibly, well… slip up. And it worked! It worked, they started dating, then Minarchist and Hoppean moved to L.A. a month after, crazy coincidence, and decided to move in with Libertarian and Ancap. But, because those two were already a couple, it fueled the fire even more for them and they felt this, uh, sense of normalcy in gay relationships to the point where they just said ‘fuck it,’ and decided to come out. And if it weren’t for me… it all wouldn’t have happened. Call me ‘God’ or something, ‘cause I’m so powerful.” Anfem said, her voice fast and excited, filled with divinity and pride. While she was speaking, everyone else listened intently, and Ancap in particular was smiling as she said it.

They all started speaking after that, the conversation turning a bit loud as bursts of laughter could be heard inbetween sentences. Conservative was too stuck in his own head and too overwhelmed to pay attention. The constant brushing of purposeful touch from Homofash drove Conservative to insanity, shaky breaths coming out of him as if he was about to set off a fuse. Normally, he would tell someone doing this to stop— even if it was his own wife. But with Homofash, it was different and he didn’t know why. The feeling of cold fingertips brushing against his shoulder, Homofash quietly messing with the chain of his cross necklace, or touching hands underwater made Conservative so angry yet so calmed at the same time, a feeling of ecstasy and also sheer rage washing upon him. 

Homofash ceased as he stood up without warning, a blank expression on his face as he stepped out of the jacuzzi and onto the concrete. Conservative furrowed his brow, confused at Homofash’s uncharacteristic behavior as everyone else went silent as well. Conservative and everyone else watched as Homofash walked over to the pool, which was most definitely freezing cold. The fascist turned around, facing the ideologies before letting himself fall back first into the freezing pool water.

No one said a word, but it looked as if Anfem and Socialist were about to burst out in laughter, and Minarchist was quietly snickering. They knew something Conservative didn’t. Conservative bit his lip, waiting for Homofash to come out of the water, but he didn’t- thirty seconds had passed without a word from the other ideologies, and Homofash still hadn’t come out of the water.

“Homofash?” Conservative asked into the open air before standing up, getting out of the jacuzzi. He heard snickering from behind him which sounded like they were coming from Ancom and Commie. He ignored them. Why would someone possibly drowning be _funny?_

Conservative crouched at the edge of the pool where Homofash had dropped in, asking out again, “Homofa-“

He was pulled in.

Homofash had come out of the water for only a second to grab Conservative’s wrist with a deadlock grip, forcing him to topple into the water. 

The water was cold and painful. Conservative let himself stay under for only a second or two, eyes wide open, seeing Homofash swim back up to the surface. He felt onset humiliation, the feeling that he was being made fun of, as if this was some sort of sick, planned joke that was supposed to be used to humiliate him. It was vile.

He quickly paddled himself back up to the surface, taking a short breath of air as he was immediately greeted with Homofash uncomfortably close to him and laughing playfully. Conservative parted his lips, about to shout at him, say something out of anger, but he couldn’t— he didn’t want to make Homofash upset despite the inconvenience Homofash just caused by getting his hair wet. He didn’t understand it— why did he care?

“Haha. Very funny.” Conservative said in annoyance, in a sarcastic tone that only made Homofash laugh harder. He had a very pretty laugh, unlike anyone else he’d ever seen. Most people look very unattractive when they express their joy, but not Homofash. Interesting.

“I planned that so Nazi would jump in _!_ ” Homofash smiled as he parted his way from Conservative, swimming to the side so he could exit the freezing, painful water.

“What? You were gonna embarrass him on his birthday?” Conservative asked in a quizzical voice as he lifted himself out of the water with a grunt, looking awkward as he did so. He noticed all of the other ideologies were laughing. He felt insecure.

“Well, I mean, yeah. We’re just messing around.” Homofash said, stepping closer to Conservative to rest a hand on his shoulder. Homofash was, like he mentioned earlier, shorter than him when standing up— the fascist being to his nose. It was sort of cute, in a friendly kind of way. Conservative blushed. He shouldn’t be friends with this… thing, he thought, but he guessed as long as he didn’t participate in any sinful action that Homofash most likely did on a regular basis, he should be fine, or at least he wondered. He was _definitely_ going to repent once he gets back to Fort Thomas. 

It took a bit of explaining, which was mostly just mocking, to Conservative for him to understand that it was a birthday tradition based off of an embarrassing stunt Nazi did in the 90’s. Someone would jump into a pool of cold water and Nazi would stubbornly refuse to be dragged in, but eventually relenting as he wouldn’t want the jumper to _drown._ This tradition was to be broken, though, when someone forgets about the tradition or had no idea about it and did it for Nazi unknowingly. Conservative sighed at this, considering _he_ of all people shouldn’t be the one breaking tradition. He got over it quickly.

They stayed in the jacuzzi for only a little longer, but in that around twenty minutes of time, he quickly learned that Homofash could hold his breath for _much_ longer than expected. His hair was uncomfortable the whole time, though, as he was more sensitive to chlorine than most. He scratched his scalp till it was red. Homofash thought he was bleeding— he probably was.

  
  
  
  


The rest of the night was fine. They went back up into their rooms to dry off quickly before leaving the hotel to get dinner. Ancap and Libertarian were taking a _hell_ of a long time to get out from their rooms as everyone waited in the lobby, and Conservative complained that he could’ve taken a shower with how long they were taking. Homofash looked at him as if he was dumb— and he probably was, considering that he truly didn’t know what they could be possibly doing that would waste twenty minutes of everyone’s time.

It was a quarter past midnight when they all left for _Spumoni_ , a nearby Italian restaurant. Nazi wanted to go to a German restaurant, but they were all long closed many hours ago. The group assured him they would go to one tomorrow night, and he grunted in response. That was the most of a ‘thanks’ you can get from Nazi, anyway. 

The streets of Santa Monica were loud and bustling as Conservative sat, listening to them in the passenger seat of Socialist’s car. He rested his head on the window, taking in the sights around him as music of _Father John Misty_ filled his ears as well as the ideologies’ voices who sat in the backseats. He watched how the party trees swayed and swung in the summer wind, the children and their mothers walking down the streets, the voices of shouting teenagers laughing as they recorded videos of one another, and if he listened close enough, he could hear the faint cries of a music festival in the distance. 

It was so beautiful.

The vehicle had come to an abrupt halt at the restaurant which made Conservative jump only slightly and snap out of his trance. It was awkward when the group of eleven ideologies had walked into the restaurant, though— the hostess looked overwhelmed and had to lump together three tables to seat them all. It was either that, or, one of them was Nazi.

They all ordered fairly sized meals, except Ancap, who didn’t order anything. It was uncharacteristic for him to gently refuse to eat, but Conservative didn’t push on it like Libertarian did. Conservative ordered rigatoni, which was the same as Nazi’s order. Conservative suggested to Homofash that he should get the same thing since he was having a hard time trying to chose what to eat, but Homofash refused since he was lactose intolerant. He finalized on plain spaghetti, which Conservative lurched at the idea of eating something so intensely dry without any cheese to use as a lubricant. 

He mostly talked to Nazi and Homofash the whole time, since they were the closest to him— with Homofash sitting next to him, and Nazi diagonal from him. Hoppean was parallel to him, and would’ve been the easiest to talk to but since he was too caught up sucking up to Minarchist, Comservative didn’t bother with him. 

Conservative had a sick, unsure feeling in his stomach which had rested there since he had gotten onto the plane back in Fort Thomas. Something about this, about being here, willingly interacting with these… _faggots,_ and enjoying it… it just didn’t sit right with him. Hell, Christlib would probably _lynch_ him if she knew that Homofash or Ancom were going to be here, which is why he didn’t tell her. He thought that if he couldn’t tell his spouse about the people was hanging out with and talking to, then why talk to them at all? Isn’t it his duty as a man of good faith to stay away from bad influences? He wasn’t sure.

Homofash was weirdly enchanting. Conservative was more drawn to him than he was for anyone else at the table, carefully listening to every word the white nationalist had to say. This was interrupted by Anfem saying that the idea of Homo-Nationalism is simply just ‘White-Twinkism,’ which everybody laughed at. Conservative didn’t, though. He didn’t know what in the hell a ‘white twink’ was. He guessed that was a good thing, though; he shouldn’t bother trying to figure out what a gay sinner’s terminology meant.

He felt young again, as if he wasn’t Conservative, rather, he was his teenage adopted son. His son would always tell Christlib about the… _adventures_ he had with his friends whenever they all went out with one another, and when the ideologies were talking about their lives, it reminded Conservative of his son. Why did they all act so young and immature? Is it because they’re taking advantage of the fact that they cannot age like human beings do? Do they not mature, get tired of this life, and want to die? Or do they just act 21 forever? 

They headed back to the hotel soon after they paid by splitting the bill. Socialist’s car felt more cramped than when they first got in just over an hour ago. It was three quarters past 1 in the morning now, and the moon was on the cusp of being on its course of descent. Conservative gawked as he watched it through the window, now being open as his blonde hair waivered in the wind. He felt some sort of connection to the moon at this moment, feeling as if the upward midesection of his emotional life was now over, and the spiraling descent downwards was inventive and coming for him, creeping up on his back as he sat, racing in the lights as he was letting himself descend. 

At the hotel, nearly all of the ideologies except himself and Homofash stayed in the lobby to play cards. He distinctly heard Ancom say that they were playing Crazy Eights, which was a bummer because that was Conservative’s favorite. He and Homofash went upstairs to shower instead, for two different reasons— Homofash didn’t want his hair to grow split ends from the chlorine, and Conservative just had an itchy scalp. They flipped a coin to see who got the shower first, with Conservative being tails and Homofash being heads. Of _course_ it had to land heads, and Conservative was convinced Homofash did so on purpose just to piss Conservative off.

He waited, laying on his bed while playing on his phone for what felt like _hours,_ despite it only being around fifteen to twenty minutes. Why does Homofash take such long showers? Is he _bathing?_ The world may never know.

Conservative couldn’t wait any longer, he felt dirty and gross and he needed to shower immediately. Everytime he knocked on the bathroom door, he would either get no response or a ‘five more minutes.’ It was aggrevating. He decided to just text Nazi instead, telling him that he was going to use his shower in the time being. It wasn’t weird, he thought, him and Nazi were close enough to share a shower room, right? I mean, it’s not like Nazi was even going to shower tonight anyway, he was a morning shower person— therefore he didn’t have to deal with the grossness of the damp shower floor from someone’s aftershower. 

Nazi’s room was just down the hall from him, around 7 doors away from his. He walked down it with a huff, hoping the door was unlocked. Conservative checked his phone again, and Nazi still hadn’t read the message— which was uncharacteristic of him, he normally replied to people within just a few minutes and he had read reciepts on. Whatever. He would have to deal with it. The worst that could possibly happen is him throwing a fit if he finds out Comservative ‘invaded his temporal space,’ but he’ll live.

The door was, surprisingly, unlocked. Conservative was scared that he would have to pick it with a lock, or worse, give up and be forced to wait for _Homofash_ to finally be done with his shower, or may very well be his bath. The room was semi-messy already, with Nazi only halfway unpacking and a few clothes were sprawled along the carpet floor. Conservative was instantly hit by the smell of _Nag Champa,_ and quickly noticing the marble incense holder on top of the hotel room dresser, as well as burned, ashy incense in the ashtray. Nazi always brought that thing around wherever he went— it must have been a comfort item. 

Conservative sighed before stepping over a few clothes and entering Nazi’s bathroom, where the smell of Nag Champa was lacking. He looked around to see the shower obviously had already been used this morning, with the soft, blankety curtain pulled and an unclosed bottle of men’s 3 in 1 shampoo, conditioner, and body wash. Though Conservative usually stuck to his personal favorite brand, this other kind would have to do.

He bit his lip slightly before unbuttoning his shirt, and gotten halfway down until—

The door slammed open.

His heart sunk. 

“ _Nazi—!_ ” Was the first thing he heard as Conservative quickly buttoned himself up, the voice sounding weirdly whiny and breathy, which made Conservative pause. The sound of whines and moans between wet kisses made Conservative’s neck tighten as he was unsure whether to reveal himself or not, hell, he was too scared to even look who the person even was that was doing these things with Nazi.

“You should be ashamed of yourself, you fucking—“ Nazi cut himself off as Conservative heard Nazi roughly place the other ideology (?) onto his bed, and hearing the other _whimper._ Just by the voice, Conservative was sure that the other person was another man. Jesus, Conservative knew that Nazi had homosexual tendencies, but he never let his mind wander too far to delve into the idea of Nazi having _homosexual sex._

“I swear this is all you Anarchists are good for, Jesus fuck…” He heard Nazi say it in a husky voice, and quickly deducted who it could possibly be. There was no way it was Anfem, because she didn’t swing for that team, and it couldn’t have been Ancom because despite how unfaithful he was to Commie, Commie would _never_ let him do something like this in his presence.

It was Ancap. There’s no way it wasn’t. 

Conservative was confused. Wasn’t Ancap dating Libertarian? Why would he cheat, and why would he do it so obviously? Were the two in an open relationship? It was much to think about. Regardless, Conservative shouldn’t be thinking about this at all, he shouldn’t even be fucking in here right now, he should be taking a shower in _his own_ hotel room, then falling asleep on _his own_ bed. He was disgusted.

He couldn’t help but look, though, as he carefully moved his body to the side to look through the crack in the door. He saw Ancap’s small, heart-shaped face being cupped by Nazi’s large, callused hand, and the anarchist’s hat was already splayed across the other side of the bed, and his glasses were just barely on his face as Nazi roughly kissed him. He watched as he saw Nazi make quick work with his fly, gulping. His mind was screaming at himself, and he was unsure of which voice to listen to, with one saying that he’s a perverted fuck and needs to reveal himself right now, and the other saying to just wait it out _but god fuck, please don’t watch._

But he couldn’t help it— his eyes were glued on the two men, seeing Ancap lift himself up, pushing up Nazi to stand straight again. He was unbuttoning the fascist’s uniform, while looking up at him and saying seductive, teasing words in a soft voice that Conservative could barely make out. Conservative’s jaw quivered as he watched them, and he knew that if one of them just turned their heads to the door, they might see half of Conservative’s perverted, entranced face and they might just throw him out the window with disgust. He should hide, lay inside the tub of the shower and close the shower curtain and silently cry as he heard the sounds of Nazi fucking the smaller anarchist, but he relented.

He kept watching. 

Nazi’s button up was now gone, and Ancap was basically laying down as he pulled down Nazi’s boxers enough for his cock to spring out. Conservative nearly fainted— he felt as if his soul was about to leave his body right then and there as he saw Ancap lick a stripe up the underside of Nazi’s length, then proceeding to kitten lick the head before taking in a few inches of his length. He felt goosebumps arrive on his skin as he saw how well Ancap took it, bobbing his head up and down with Nazi’s fists tangled in his hair. 

Admittedly, Conservative felt his pants start to tighten around a sensitive area the moment Nazi forced Ancap’s head down even lower, which struck a moan out of the two rightists. Conservative hated himself, _why_ was his body enjoying this? _Why_ is he allowing himself to watch this degenerate, sinful filth? He knew his followers would crucify him if they saw what his body was doing to him while he watched Nazi facefuck Ancap, but he couldn’t help it.

He wanted to do that to someone as well.

Looking back on it now, he should’ve thought of his wife, and if he thought of Christlib maybe the events that would happen sometime in the future from now would’ve never happened— his life would be a lot simpler, less messy, and less sinful— but he didn’t think of her.

The first person that came into mind was Homofash.

He grew even harder at the thought, the thought of Homofash on his knees just for him, only him, and being able to put that degenerate, sinful fag in his place by choking him on his dick excited Conservative to a point of no return.

He knew it was wrong. He knew that if God was looking down upon him right now, that he would lurch in disgust on what became of one of his most devoted followers. He knew that after this, there was no way he could forgive himself, that there was no way God would forgive him, and if somehow Christlib found out, she wouldn’t either. 

Conservative tried to reason with himself, thinking that if he couldn’t control these thoughts, _actual_ homosexuals couldn’t either, so therefore, if he didn’t act on it, it wasn’t a sin. Most of himself agreed on that, trying to dodge the fact that he was quite literally acting upon those fantasies as he watched Ancap get facefucked into _oblivion._

He looked down slightly to see that Ancap had taken his own length out already as well, stroking himself as he could barely hold himself up as Nazi was bruising his throat. He could hear Ancap’s muffled cries against Nazi’s cock, and the louder Ancap moaned and cried, the breathier Nazi would get.

“You stupid fucking whore, you pretentious little bitch—“ Nazi muttered the insults in a husky, low voice just as Ancap’s eyes fluttered shut, and Conservative hated that when he saw Ancap’s eyes flutter, it reminded him of how Homofash would bat his eyes at him whenever they spoke to one another. Disgusting.

“Please tread on me, please, please fuck me,” Ancap managed to cry out after he popped off Nazi’s cock, looking up at Nazi with tears eyes as Nazi muttered a curse under his breath, admiring how pretty Ancap looked in this situation, frantically begging for it. He saw how Nazi quickly looked away from Ancap, looking down at the white sheets for just a second before saying-

“God, you fucking degenerate- you _came_ on my _sheets,_ and you’re _still_ open to sex? God, you…” Nazi cut himself off as he dipped his middle and index finger into the pool of come before suddenly plunging the two wet, cum-soaked fingers into Ancap’s mouth, making the anarchist gag and cry as Nazi shifted his fingers against the back of Ancap’s tongue. Conservative let his jaw go slack as he subconsciously moved his hand to his belt, unbuckling it at the first loop, the proceeding to unzip his fly. He let his dick slip out from the slit of his boxers with slight prompting from fingertips.

This was so wrong.

He licked his right hand as he watched Nazi retract his fingers and pin Ancap down to the bed, pulling down his pants and boxers just low enough to have his cock jut out. Ancap quickly took his trousers and boxers off and threw them to the floor as Nazi landed on top of him, kissing him roughly, a mirror image of how they first were but with much less _clothes._

Conservative brought his hand to his dick, shivering, his breath shaky as he stroked it, up and down as he watched the two extremists grind against each other on the hotel bed. His mind wandered enough to imagine that it was him and Homofash, and the idea of Homofash under him only wearing a loose, white button up that was barely held together by one button, moaning and crying at Conservative’s will excited him to a point of no return.

Nazi brought his hand down before Ancap stopped him, saying,

“No, it’s okay.”

“What?”

“I already did this with Libertarian before dinner, I think I’m good.” Ancap had a shit eating grin on his face as he said it, and Conservative’s heart dropped as he finally realized why it was taking Ancap and Libertarian so long to just come down to the lobby. He really was stupid.

“You really just can’t get enough, huh? You anarchists are so fucking greedy.” Nazi said it with an undertone of disgust in his voice as Ancap yelped, Nazi lifting Ancap’s legs up to have his popliteal fossas rest on Nazi’s shoulders.

“Says you, you fucking statist…” Ancap’s voice went soft and delicate as he saw Nazi drag his cock down to Ancap’s hole, but whining when he brought it back up to kiss Ancap once again. Conservative melted as Ancap sighed into the kiss, wondering that if Ancap was this affectionate with Nazi, he couldn’t imagine how affectionate he was with Libertarian. He tried to snap out of thinking about it, but he couldn’t— the idea of two men being lovey and affectionate with one another was something Conservative had never experienced on his own. He didn’t even have that with his wife, and _especially_ not during sex, because it all just felt like a chore with Christlib. But with Homofash… it was something he _wanted._

Conservative’s strokes slowed as he saw Ancap blindly reach into the nightstand drawer to grab lube, and he only barely snagged it by the cap. He parted the kiss, giving the lube to Nazi and silently suggested him to coat himself with it. Nazi pursed his lips just for a second as he lifted himself off Ancap while still keeping his legs melded against his body, clicking the lube open with a pop before drizzling it onto his hand, coating himself.

“You look angry.” Ancap said it with care in his voice.

Nazi huffed. “I’m realizing that I’m about to be fucking into damaged goods.” Conservative didn’t know what Nazi truly meant by that, but he assumed it was because Ancap, as many anarchists do, had a tendency to sleep around. Either way, Conservative was slightly confused when he saw Ancap take the insult by _whining_ in response, which shocked Conservative— did Ancap seriously like to be _degraded_ in bed? That was… very unexpected considering his personality.

“Oh God— _Nazi!_ ” Ancap cried as Nazi pushed into him without warning, and Conservative gawked as he watched Nazi slowly delve deeper and deeper until he bottomed out inside the anarchist. Ancap instinctively raised a hand and cusped it over his mouth so he wouldn’t be too loud, but Nazi quickly counteracted it as he strongly pinned both of Ancap’s wrists just above the anarchist’s head.

Conservative found it weirdly enticing how Nazi could just manhandle Ancap so easily, they were only six inches apart in height, and normally Ancap doesn’t look _that_ small compared to Nazi, but now, he looked like a baby garter snake compared to him. He subconsciously wondered if he could do that to Homofash, because they had around the same height difference as Nazi and Ancap, and Homofash seemed to be built much thinner than Conservative— it was possible. Conservative hated to admit that he liked that. 

“I think I’m going to have to be the one paying you by the end of this, holy shit…” Conservative flinched has he heard Ancap curse sharply, seeing Ancap relish in Nazi’s slow, painful yet gentle thrusts. Conservative’s strokes started to pick up speed again, and he bit back a whimper as he brushed his thumb against his tip.

“Yeah, you like that?” Nazi muttered quietly, whispering it into Ancap’s ear as he brought himself down far enough to the point where Ancap’s knees nearly hit his own chest. Conservative noticed how Nazi’s thrusts slowly gained more traction each time, setting an sprialing pace that took Ancap apart. Conservative lurched at how good Nazi was at this, and assuming that this was the first time him and Ancap have done something like this, he had to have done this with somebody else many times before— possibly Ancom, or maybe Commie, but Conservative couldn’t imagine Nazi on top of such a big guy like Commie— _good Lord, why does he care?_

“Yes, yes-“

“All of you anarchists are the same, so willing to go out of your way just to submit to authority in bed. It’s pathetic.” Nazi muttered, and thrusting a bit harder as he finished his sentence, making Ancap keen.

“Please, please, God—“ Conservative noticed how Ancap sounded as if he was on the verge of tears as he broke eye contact with Nazi, screwing his eyes shut as he turned his head to the side. He looked wrecked, considering how he had already came before and now he was forcing his body to do so once again. Conservative didn’t understand how one could enjoy that, it sounded like torture; nevertheless, gays were weird.

“Why are you going so fucking _slow?_ ” Ancap whined, his wrists relenting against Nazi’s hold but Nazi only responded by digging his wrists further into the mattress, leaving Ancap powerless. Conservative imagined how satisfying it would be to take apart Homofash like this, and how adorable he would be crying under him. His thoughts were gross, but as long as he didn’t act upon them, it wasn’t a sin, right? _Right?_

“If you want me to go faster, then you have to beg for it.” Nazi said non-chalantly and Ancap looked very frustrated. Conservative wondered that if Ancap liked being degraded like this, why did he look so… frustrated and uncomfortable? Did he just like the power dynamic? It never crossed Conservative’s mind that anarchists would be so obidient in bed, but it might just be Ancap— considering the fact that truly, the prime goal of the right was absolute authority, and Ancap’s existence went against that. It was only natural for him to embarrassingly submit to authority in bed, and Conservative should have figured this out earlier. 

In actuality, he hated that he was thinking about this, these degenerate thoughts that would make one deserve to rot in hell… he felt as if he was throwing everything away. Everything he worked for, everything he stood for— pushing it all to the side to he could masturbate to unknowing homosexuals while thinking of someone who _definitely_ wasn’t his wife in any shape or form.

He hated himself. He hated how he kept going, kept touching himself despite knowing how wrong this is on his own personal end, and the fact that he’s crossing _many_ boundaries by not revealing himself yet. By definition, he was a pervert. His long-standing delusion of the ‘male impulse’ only confirmed itself in his head right then and there, truly thinking that he couldn’t control himself, and couldn’t help but touch himself at the sight of homosexuals; specifically ones in… _these_ kind of situations. His whole life, he thought he was above this kind of degeneracy, far away from homosexuality but now he wasn’t sure. He wanted to scream, to cry-

He bit his tongue until it bled.

“Please, please fuck me papa. Please, God, I’ll do anything,” Ancap cried out, the sentence making Nazi’s dick twitch. Conservative flinched at the use of the word ‘papa,’ not knowing why someone would use fatherly terms like such in a sexual context. He once again assumed it was less about the fantasy of fucking your father/fatherly figure, but more about the power dynamic— at least he hoped.

“Good boy. Address me with the upmost respect I deserve from you.” Nazi said it under his breath as Ancap shifted under him, trying oh-so desperately to get the friction he wants, but Nazi still wasn’t letting up.

“I’ll be so good for you, papa, please. I’m shaking, I need it so bad,” Ancap sobbed out as Nazi haltered his movements, once so slow and gentle wasn’t even moving at all. Conservative felt his dick twitch violently as he stroked it, hating how turned on he got from the way Ancap spoke to the authoritarian. Ancap’s wrists and hands thrashed against Nazi’s hold as he sobbed, and Conservative gawked at the sight of Nazi holding him down without a struggle. He wondered if he could do that to Homofash.

“Yeah? You’re going to be good for me?”

“Uh-huh- _aaah!”_

Ancap practically _screamed_ as Nazi suddenly started pounding into him with no warning or buildup, causing the anarchist to let out wanton moans that must have disturbed the people below and above them. Likewise, Conservative picked up his pace as well, twisting his hand once he got to the tip, and lightly brushing it wish his thumb. He blushed as he watched the two extremists go at it, and if you listened hard enough, you could hear the sounds of Nazi heavily breathing over Ancap’s girly cries.

“God, you were made for this. Made for pleasing _true_ authority. That’s all you’re good for, anyway, you _anarchist scum._ ” Nazi said it in a low, condescending tone that were in contrast to Ancap’s cries. Ancap was doing everything but looking at Nazi, trying to find solace on an object in the room, but to no avail. He screwed his eyes shut for only a few seconds before looking back up at Nazi, saying,

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, please—“ Conservative wasn’t sure what Ancap was apologizing for, but he was sure it was just another weird kink. The anarchist’s words made Nazi fuck Ancap even _harder,_ if that was even possible. 

“Anybody with a _working brain_ knows that the true goal of the right is totalitarian government. You shouldn’t even exist. You only live in the minds of the politically inept. You deserve _nothing_ . You are _nothing_.” Nazi said it in a truly spiteful way, and Conservative would’ve thought that Ancap would be hurt by what Nazi said, but instead, he arched his back, crying out louder than he did before. Did gay men really like this sort of behavior, or was it just them? It’s not like Conservative had much to base his takeaways on this topic anyway— his sex life mostly just consisted of unfulfilling missionary sex with Christlib.

“It’s all I’m good for,-“ Ancap was cut short.

“Exactly fucking right.” Nazi removed one of his hands off Ancap’s wrists and slapped him hard. Ancap shrieked, attempting to bury his face into the the mattress, but Nazi quickly grabbed his jaw and forced him to make eye contact, plunging his index and middle finger into his mouth. Ancap immediately latched on, sucking on Nazi’s fingers without hesitation. He used it as an outlet to distract himself as Nazi thrusted into him, over and over and _over._

Conservative covered his mouth with one hand to stop himself from moaning at the sight of Nazi striking Ancap. He hated how hot the two looked, how he wanted to be Nazi, and how he wanted Homofash to be Ancap. It was a burning desire that couldn’t be quenched simply just in his head and he knew it, he needed to tell someone, somebody that can help him contain it— but he wasn’t sure who.

“You wish you were me, _God,_ you’ll _never_ be me.” Nazi grunted, digging brusises into Ancap’s wrists as he held then with an iron grip in one hand, and the other hand was carefully fucking into the anarchist’s mouth.

“We all know that you’re just a power hungry authoritarian under that anarchist disguise. You just want to be an Anarchist so you’ll have an excuse to be a fucking _whore_.” Nazi looked down at Ancap with disgust, which, in a way was matching the way he was fucking Ancap so harshly— as if Nazi hated him.

Ancap gagged as Nazi fucked Ancap’s mouth with fingers, thrusting them in and out as Ancap could barely wrap his lips around them. Ancap screamed around Nazi’s fingers, and Nazi retracted them from Ancap’s mouth to see a glance of how wrecked the smaller boy was, and he sure as hell got his answer.

Ancap instinctively stuck out his tongue only slightly as he looked up at Nazi with half-lidded, lustful eyes as he came with a cry, all over himself and Nazi. Conservative’s breath hitched, feeling his own peak coming quickly, and he was trying with his might to try and not make a sound. He bit his lip as he saw Nazi going sloppy with his thrusts, chasing his own orgasm as Ancap laid there below him, whimpering and panting at the overstimulation.

“Holy shit, holy shit, holy _fuck—_ “ Nazi came with a shout, burying himself inside Ancap, who keened into the feeling. Conservative quickened his thrusts as he saw Nazi spill into the anarchist, slapping a hand over his mouth as he felt it, shockwaves coursing through his body as he came into his own hand. He gulped, sighing in relief that he wasn’t loud enough for them to hear as he saw Nazi release Ancap’s wrists. Ancap attempted to pull Nazi in to hug him, but failed.

“Get the fuck off of me. You’re slick with pure degeneracy.” Nazi spat, pushing Ancap’s hands away as he sat facing away from him at the edge of the bed. 

“Happy birthday, Naz.” Ancap said it with a sick grin on his face, and Conservative thought Ancap was being too high on his horse for somebody who just got their brains fucked out. Nazi must have thought so too, looking at Ancap with a look of pure hatred. Ancap only smiled wider.

“I don’t have to pay for this, do I?” Nazi muttered it as he zipped his fly back up, and grabbing his shirt from the carpet floor in disgust.

“Nope. Just a free handout. This wouldn’t have happened if it wasn’t your big 100, y’know, but I do have to say… I don’t regret it.”

“Yeah, I figured. You looked like you were about to pass out.” Nazi said it as Ancap hastily grabbed the tissues from the nightstand and handed it to his authoritarian counterpart. Nazi looked grossed out as he took a tissue from the box, quickly wiping away the anarchist’s ejaculate. Conservative scrunched his brow, realizing that they could walk into the bathroom at any second, possibly to take a shower— and a feeling of panic rushed over him.

In a hurry, he quietly shifted himself closer to the shower, hoping he didn’t make any noise as he stepped into the bath carefully. He hid behind the pulled curtain, facing away from the door. He knew that if he was going to be caught, he was going to be caught now, and one of two things could happen— Nazi would beat his ass, or, he would just be expelled from the trip for being a fucking _pervert._ Nonetheless, he quickly zipped his fly up and wiped his cum on his jeans.

Conservative heard Nazi’s breath hitch. “Can I take a picture of you?”

“Wow, you really think I’m that attractive?”

“No, I just like to keep trophies, and you look utterly destroyed.”

…

“Fine.”

Conservative heard Nazi walking in a direction that was not towards the bathroom, allowing him to let out a sigh of relief. Nazi was grabbing something out of his bag, and before you know it, he heard the click of something that sounded similar to an instant camera.

“Perfect.”

“My cum is drying on my shirt now.”

“Take a shower then. You can change after.” Conservative’s heart dropped.

“You use a 3-in-1 Naz. That’s disgusting.”

“What? You want to go to your room? Nobody’s stopping you.”

Ancap whined. “I can’t walk.” 

“Oh- goddammit.” Conservative was unsure on what was going on now. He heard meandering footsteps for a minute or so, his heart pounding out of his chest before-

“You want me to wear your clothes?”

“Yes. Take off your shirt. You can wear this walking down the hall.” Nazi muttered, a slur of affection riding as the undertone of his voice. Conservative just _knew_ that Ancap smiled at that.

“Thanks, papa.”

“You have serious issues.”

There was silence for a few minutes, but Conservative didn’t know if they were still in the room or not due to the lack of the signature ‘click’ sound of the note doors when they opened and closed. He waited, eyes closed as he held his large cross pendant tightly in his hand, silently asking God if he could make sure they don’t step into the bathroom and discover him.

“Stop walking so weird.”

“You did this to me _!_ ”

Conservative let out a breathy laugh of relief as he heard the door click open then close, finally relishing in being alone in the room. He knew he only had a few moments to make his escape, as they were only walking down the hall— Nazi was coming back soon. He bit his lip, picking himself up hastily stepping out of the shower and out of the bathroom. 

The room was messier than before and reeked of the smell of sex, and the bedsheets were crooked and looked like they had cumstains on them. Conservative had taken the logical conclusion that Nazi was sleeping on the couch for the rest of the trip.

He bit his lip before taking the leap of courage of opening the door to leave, hoping that the two rightists weren’t too close to the door to notice. He peeked into the hallway before he left, and saw that Nazi was still helping Ancap to his room. He cringed, quietly slipping from inbetween the crack of the door and closing it as quickly as he could. In a state of panic, he tip-toed ran in the opposite direction from where they were headed, and quickly made his way to the stairs.

Waves of relief set upon him as he quickly speedwalked down the flights of stairs. He uttered the words, ‘thank you, God,’ under his breath multiple times before nearly reaching the lobby. He had the idea of using the lobby elevator to get back to his floor so Nazi and Ancap would have no suspect of him, thinking he was ‘in the lobby the entire time.’ It was at this point that he knew what he did was going to be on his conscience for the rest of his pitiful life.

“You look… worn. You alright?” Conservative shot his head up at Libertarian’s quizzical voice, seeing him near the bottom of the final flight of stairs. Conservative gripped the stair handle tightly, unsure of what to say. It hit him just then that… this was Ancap’s _boyfriend._ Conservative had witnessed Ancap cheating on Libertarian, and he knew, deep down, that it would be wrong to withhold that information he held within him. He figured if Libertarian asked how he knew, he could just make up some bullshit lie— but it was better to tell him now or never, despite how impulsive and stupid this decision was.

“Yes. Um… I saw your, uh, boyfriend, with Nazi upstairs.” Conservative muttered, coughing in the middle of ‘boyfriend.’

“Oh, really? What were they doing?” Libertarian raised a brow, smirking at Conservative. The blonde’s eyebrows furrowed as he looked down at Libertarian, wondering why he sounded so uncaring and non-chalant. 

“Uh, I saw them kissing in the hall. And, uh, I put my ear up to the door because, y’know, I was worried for you or whatever… and I heard some very, uh, degenerate things.” Conservative sounded like an awkward teenager trying to explain to the principal what happened at a school fight. He could barely even make eye contact— Libertarian thought he looked like a scared puppy.

“You know, that’s kinda funny. Because, uh, well… Homofash is in the lobby right now, right? And he told me that when he got out of the shower, you weren’t in the room, the hallway, the lobby. So he texted you, he called you, like… 8 times? No answer. We almost called an Amber Alert on you, y’know. It was also when Nazi and Ancap were upstairs doing their business, so, uh, I don’t see how you could’ve even known that, unless—“ 

Conservative’s face dropped as he quickly grabbed his phone out of his back pocket, it being silenced, and seeing all of the missed calls from Homofash and texts along the lines of ‘hey where the FUCK are you’. 

Conservative’s jaw quivered, not knowing what to say, before blurting out-

“What- why do you not care about your boyfriend cheating on you?”

“He didn’t cheat on me. I told him to do that.” Conservative gawked as Libertarian shrugged.

“Excuse me?”

“I think it’s hot. Besides, Nazi never gets ass anyway so what could be a better birthday present, eh?” Libertarian winked as Conservative lurched, truly realizing what he had gotten himself into with this trip, and who he was _really_ involving himself with— a bunch of homosexuals who can’t even define the word ‘monogamy.’

“I have to go,”

“Why are you walking so fast, man?” 

Conservative didn’t have time to respond. He quickly ran down the stairs, making his way to the lobby elevator in a hurry. He got a glance at the other ideologies who were still playing cards, and he was almost _sure_ that Homofash was staring at him from that distance.

He hated this. He hated it here. He wanted to go home, he needed to go home— these _faggots_ have invaded his mind, taken over his body and forced him to watch them engage in intercourse and think of another man while touching himself to the sight. He thought, maybe, just maybe if he left this wretched, left leaning city of Santa Monica and went back to Fort Thomas, maybe he would be cured— cured of the disease that is homosexuality. He knew if he stayed any longer than he already did, his mind would just convert more and more into liberalism, and that couldn’t happen, he _refused_ for it to happen. He is Conservative— and nothing will ever change that. 

  
  
  
  


Conservative felt as if he was emasculating himself by resorting to seeking solace with Anarcha-Feminist and Socialist to find advice for his… _problem._ It was not like he could talk to anybody else, anyway— and the two must have been excellent on topics as such considering that the two hold friendships among ideologies together on a string.

He hoped dearly that they wouldn’t convince him he was gay or anything of the sort. That was actually the last thing he wanted to hear right now, considering the last four days of his life had made him go through a rollercoaster of foreign emotions he had never experienced in his 186 years of living. The bombshell of finding out he was a homosexual was something he didn’t need at the moment, and it wasn’t going to happen anyway because he isn’t fucking _gay._

Conservative sheepishly knocked on the door of Anfem and Socialist, hoping they wouldn’t turn him away the moment they saw who it was through the peephole. He was only still here in Santa Monica because the night (or, morning, really-) he vowed to himself that he was going to leave, Homofash convinced and begged him not to. Despite how embarrassing it was, he submitted— not wanting to have the fascist be upset with him, hell, that was the last thing he wanted.

It was humiliating, to say the least. All his life, Conservative always had these strong, controversial thoughts that he always told himself that he was going to fight for, but never followed through on his own. It was almost as if he was, dare he say it, centrist— he felt strongly towards things, but not enough to do anything about it, and rather let everybody else make the decisions that he _didn’t_ want for him. It was truly saddening.

“Hm?” Conservative shot his head up at the sudden presence of Anfem, who poked her head through the crack of the hotel room door. He gulped, unsure of what to say at first as he made eye contact with the feminist, as she looked at him expectantly. 

“I need some advice.” Conservative muttered, his voice weak as he said it. Anfem softened a bit.

“About what?”

“I can’t say it out here.” Conservative looked to the side to see if anyone was watching, even though he knew nobody was. He was nervous, and Anfem could see it through his eyes. Despite herself, she sighed— figuring that if she were to believe in the liberation of women, she should give the time of day to a assumebly misogynistic degenerate so she could possibly rewire parts of his brain.

“Alright, come on in.” She sighed as she said it, opening the door for him to make room. The first thing he saw was Socialist, laying on his bed and texting on his phone, and Consevative joked in his head that he was probably on _Grindr._

“Socialist, get off your phone _!_ We have guests.” Anfem said it in a scolding, joking manner. Socialist rolled his eyes, sitting up in his bed, staring at Conservative with a confused look.

“What’s going on here?” Socialist mumbled, a half eaten Cheeto dangling out of his mouth. Anfem sat on the wooden circular table, nodding at Conservative, signaling to him that he can sit down on the loveseat beside him. He did so.

“Well… before I say anything, everyone else already left the hotel. I may have told the others that you two were tired to go to dinner.” Conservative let it roll of his tongue with recoil, tensing his body as he knew that the two leftists were going to be upset with him.

“I was hungry!”

“Why the hell would you do that?”

“I’m sorry, okay? I just had no one else to talk to and I what happened is really important for me, even though you two would probably just laugh at me… There was just no other time to say it other than now and I’m sorry.” Conservative said it quickly, and his accent made it slightly hard to understand what he was saying. Anfem untensed a bit, but still giving Conservative a disappointed look. Socialist took a passive-aggressive bite out of his Cheeto.

“Well, just tell us what’s so important that you had to cancel our dinner plans, please.” Anfem said hastily, closing her eyes as she said it. Conservative felt slightly bad, but he knew that they would care less about dinner once he told the two the reason why he needed to talk to them— they always had a taste for drama.

“I may have… witnessed something that I shouldn’t have, and now I’m questioning all of my morals. I have been a in a pit ever since and I’m not sure if I could ever forgive myself.” Conservative said it with despair looming in his voice, and Socialist softened for him. Conservative assumed that Socialist had a bit more empathy than Anfem, despite being more authoritarian than her.

“What did you see?” Socialist asked, his voice soft. It was obvious that he was trying to make a safe environment for Conservative, who was obviously in a lot of emotional distress. Socialist was always the one to ask him if he was okay for the past couple days since _that_ night, considering that Conservative was acting very off since— and Conservative always said the same thing— ‘I’m fine.’

“Well… remember that time when Homofash dragged me into the pool?”

They both nodded.

“Well, I was going to take a shower, but, Homofash was taking much too long in the bath. So I messaged Nazi to ask him if I could use his for the time being since he was downstairs with everyone else. He didn’t respond, but, I figured that me and him were close enough that I could use his shower, but…” Conservative bit his lip, and he could tell by the look in Anfem and Socialist’s eyes that they already knew where this was going. They shot him a look of understanding, which soothed him enough to let him go on.

“I was about to take a shower, and.. I heard Ancap and Nazi come to into the room. Obviously, as you two probably already know, they… did… _things_ that night. I couldn’t just leave, it would be embarrassing and awkward and… I don’t know. I stayed.” Conservative sounded solemn as he said it, as if he was traumatized. Almost immediately, a look of empathy appeared on both of the two leftists’ faces. Conservative lurched, knowing that they didn’t know what _he_ did to the sight. They were under the impression that he probably sat in the bathtub and cried, but no— he touched himself to the sight of the two extremists, and they didn’t even _know._

“Conservative, I’m so sorry. Are you okay?” Anfem asked, her voice soft, similar to a robin. 

“Don’t pity me. I would’ve appreciated the pity if I didn’t vilify myself already.” Conservative spat, clenching his teeth and fists as he cringed, embarrassed and ashamed at what he was about to admit to Anfem and Socialist.

“What did you do?” Socialist asked, taking another bite of his cheetos.

“I may have… touched myself while I watched them.” Conservative said it with a shaky breath, looking at Anfem first, then to Socialist. Socialist’s expression was bizarre and unreadable, but Anfem’s was much different.

“Were you thinking of anybody? Did you want to be Nazi, or possibly… Ancap?” She asked quizzically, trying to figure out the extent of the situation she was trying to deal with.

“No, I… well, kind of. I imagined myself as Nazi, but..”

“But what?”

“ _IwantedAncaptobeHomofash._ ”

He said it quickly, biting his tongue right after. Socialist and Anfem’s jaws dropped nearly to the floor as she chuckled, her head in her hands as she muttered something to herself. Conservative was embarrassed— it felt like they were laughing at him. He should’ve expected this, anyway— the two never take anything seriously besides Socialist at some points. He couldn’t blame them, though, he was Conservative; the one being that should be the _farthest_ away from homosexual deviancy. 

“Everytime, Socialist, everytime…” Anfem muttered while chuckling under her breath, rubbing her eyebrows as she looked down. Conservative was confused.

“Everyone is gay.” Socialist joked, putting down his cheetos on the nightstand. This is what Conservative feared— it felt as if they were making fun of him, mocking him for what he had just confessed. A feeling of humiliation creeped up his spine, wondering what to say without sounding like a child.

“It’s not funny.” The Christian said, gripping his fists within one another as he braced for another hurl of a joke.

“I’m sorry, Conservative. We’re not laughing at you. We’ve just dealed with things like this many a time.” She said, slipping off of the circular table and sitting on her bed, facing him.

It shouldn’t have shocked Conservative that he wasn’t the first ideology to come to her about sexuality issues, considering that she’s one of the only female ideologies and most men wouldn’t want to go to another man in talks of their possible homosexuality. But still, he felt unspecial and unimportant; as if he was one of many, a chore.

“Really?” His head perked up to make eye contact with the feminist.

“Yeah. Why don’t you come sit next to me?” She said invitingly, patting the space next to her. His breath hitched as he followed what she told him

to do, and the feeling of this being all too real was settling upon him.

“When you think or Homofash, what do you think of?” She asked him, resting her hand on his shoulder. Her nails were well manicured but very short. This felt intimate, too intimate— as if she was staring into

his soul. She had a very intense face when she was serious, but it was oddly comforting for Conservative. He sighed, figuring that if he was going to get real advice he needed to be honest about how he felt and he was almost _sure_ that she and Socialist have heard worse.

“He makes me feel warm inside. When I’m around him I feel very safe. I think it’s because of how nice he is. He would make a very good pastor is he wasn’t… well, you know.” Conservative’s voice was tender as he talked about the fascist, and he saw Anfem’s face curl up a bit. He wasn’t sure what that meant— he couldn’t read people’s emotions very well.

“Do you have a fear of letting him down?” Socialist interjected, and Conservative looked at him for a few moments before looking away, thinking in silence. This conversation felt surreal, and he tried his best to put his morals aside for now and just confess and _feel,_ similar to how he would occasionally go to confessionals with his priest, but this was different. Very different.

“I’m afraid so. I would’ve left Santa Monica early if it wasn’t for him.” Conservative sighed. He somewhat regrets not leaving now.

“How’s your sex life outside of all of this… sexuality confusion? You said you’re married to Christlib, right? What’s it like with her?” She asked. Normally, Conservative would consider this invasive, but he assumed it was necessary.

“We engage in intercourse every few days, but she’s the one who engages it. If it weren’t for her, I don’t think I might have ever had sex with her.” He mumbled it embarrassing, picking at his jeans. Now that he has said it out loud, he realized how pathetic he sounded— most married couples had an avid sex life, and it was normally the husband who would engage it—but not once did he engage. He was doing it only for her.

“Describe what it’s like in the bedroom with her, Conservative.” Anfem pursed her lips, giving Comservative an empathetic, concerned look that made him feel as if she wasn’t judging him, but she pitied him. He felt as if he didn’t deserve that pity. Sinners don’t deserve pity.

“We just do unfulfilling missionary sex. But, uh… sometimes she’s on top of me. She gets frustrated because I don’t do anything, but…” Conservative trailed off, the feeling of shame overtaking him. He wanted to cry, he wanted to lay in Anfem’s bed and scream his shame out but he couldn’t— not because he was too embarrassed to, but rather the fact that he could barely even move.

“But what?” Socialist’s voice was almost a whisper.

“I don’t like it. I never have. It feels like… something is wrong, like it’s unnatural. A chore.” His voice was shaky as he heard Anfem comfort him under her breath, and wrapping her arms around him as her voice slurred with comfort speech such as ‘it’s okay, you’re doing so well.’ 

“When you got married to her, you knew that you were going to have to deflower her afterwards, correct?” Socialist asked, and it was obvious he was trying not to sound condescending.

“I wanted to marry her, but.. I dreaded that part of it. It kept me up at night, and not because I was scared I was going to be bad at it, but.. I just didn’t want to. I was doing it all for her.” Conservative let a singular tear fall from his face as he laid back onto the bed, his legs dangling off of the mattress. He had never told this to anybody, and he was telling his truth to practical strangers. But he didn’t care. He needed to do this anyway— and his witnessing of that homosexual act jumpstarted it.

“Do you love her?” Anfem asked the question softly, but it struck a chord with Conservative.

“Well of course I love her. She’s smart, she’s funny, she’s an amazing mother. She’s my closest confidant, I mean, we have raised around a dozen or so adopted children together. Of course I love her, but…” Conservative trailed off as he bit his lip, looking up at the ceiling with a feeling of frustration of his tongue.

“How does your feelings for Homofash contrast with the feelings you have for Christlib?” Socialist asked, getting comfortable as he laid on his side, holding his head up on his hand as he looked at Conservative. He felt like he was being questioned.

“Well… whenever I talk to or see Homofash, I get nervous and jittery. Even if he’s being annoying, I still feel the need to be nice to him. I’ve never been like that with anybody before. I’ve never felt that with Christlib, but it isn’t like I don’t enjoy her presence, I do, but.. I don’t miss her when I’m not around her. I don’t worry about her often, and I wouldn’t care _that_ much if she was mad at me. It’s all just.. really confusing.” Conservative muttered it all quickly, doing small hand motions as he said it. He enjoyed how it seemed like Anfem and Socialist truly cared about what he had to say, letting him answer without interruption. Nonetheless, though, it was still very intimidating— opening up to people is the last thing Conservative would expect himself to do.

“What was it like the first time you met Christlib vs when you saw Homofash when you first came here?” Anfem suggested, leaning her body a bit to have her hand rest on the blanket. Conservative clenched his teeth at the question.

“I met Christlib back in the 50’s in a diner. She was my waitress. I didn’t feel anything for her, really. I recognized that she was pretty but.. you can think anyone is pretty, if you get my jist? She gave me her number, I took her on a date, and we got along well. We got married after 7 months.” Conservative explained it with little to no passion in his voice, and Anfem frowned.

“When I saw Homofash I felt… warm. I recognized that he is very attractive, but it’s more than that. He’s made me feel and want things I’ve never wanted before.” Conservative brought his palms to his heart as he said it, squeezing the cross pendant he wore and held. Maybe, just maybe, God would understand him. God made him like this, after all. He made him like this for some sort of sick reason, and he just had to accept it.

“Conservative, can I be really honest with you?” Anfem said it in a quiet, solemn voice that was almost in the tone of a whisper.

“Yeah?”

“I think you should try to make a move on Homofash tonight. I know he wants you, I mean, he’s been flirting with you all week. And if you end up not liking that either, it’s okay. Some people just don’t want to have sex, but if you do, particularly from Homofash… we can see what happens from there, alright?” She rested her hand on top of Conservative’s after she said it. He froze at the suggestion, looking to Socialist to see if he agreed, and he nodded.

“I… I can’t do that. That’s a horrible sin.” Conservative wheezed, concern rising in his voice as he looked up at Anfem.

“I mean, if you’re already going to go to hell for your thoughts, why not just go all in?”

There was a war in Conservative’s mind as she said what she said. He disagreed, obviously, but part of him was screaming that he needed to do it. Sex and pleasure normally were pretty big parts of one’s love life, and for Conservative, it never was. Deep in the core of his soul, he always wondered what was wrong with him, why he didn’t enjoy what was supposed to be one of the most joyous parts of life, and maybe today he could find out the answer. Perhaps he didn’t just not enjoy it, but rather, he was seeking out the wrong person for most of his life. Maybe he needs to start anew, completely fresh and let go of his faith just for a minute to know what it’s like, what it’s like to have true ecstasy— true love, lust, and passion.

He knew this was greedy.

He didn’t care.

“I know you feel alone in this, but, if it helps… me and Socialist can tell you embarrassing pre-coming out stories from all of the other ideologies, eh? I can guarantee that half of them are a dozen times more embarrassing than yours would ever be.” Anfem smiled down at him, waggling her eyebrows as he looked over to Sociaist, who had an offering look on his face. He submitted.

The next forty minutes only really consisted of obnoxious laughing and wheezing as Anfem and Socialist told Conservative weird, unnecessary details on Minarchist and Hoppean’s lives, among many others. He figured this is what leftists did in their free time— mock people and their questionable actions. It was all in good spirit, though, he knew that; and admittedly, it did make him feel only slightly better about the whole situation he had in his mind about Homofash. They created this makeshift safe space for him, helping Conservative feel comfortable, welcomed, normal and valid. 

What he did get right, though, was the fact that the left wing has this spell over anybody who comes into their presence— seeping into their souls and rewiring them from the inside to make rightists more progressive with themselves. Weirdly, Conservative didn’t mind this, at least not for now, because he knew that he would be having an absolutely _horrible_ existential crisis once he got home to Fort Thomas.

Conservative had practically forgotten until now about the _Father John Misty_ show they all bought tickets to for tonight, and Anfem and Socialist discreetly thanked Conservative for not letting them eat dinner so they wouldn’t look bloated at the show. Misty was his second favorite artist, besides _Negative XP._ Conservative quite liked Misty as well, and was fairly excited for his performance of _I Love You, Honeybear_ — which was one of Conservative’s personal favorite songs of all time.

He figured that he should try to ‘make a move,’ as Anfem says it, on Homofash tonight. The show was going to be pretty relaxing, since Misty’s music was very calm and solemn. He grew anxiety thinking about it, though; he had never done something like this before, especially because of his beliefs. He vowed to himself, _just one night,_ just one night out of the hundreds of years that he was going to be alive, he could deviate. He knew that if his followers saw him do anything of the sort, they would ridicule him in the masses— but at this point, he didn’t care.

He needed this.

  
  
  
  


_‘The future can’t be real,_

_I barely know how long a moment is._

_Unless we’re naked, getting high on the mattress,_

_while the global market crashes.’_

The music filled the ideologies’ ears as the ideologies stood in the crowd, swaying and swinging to the cynical, disillusioned music. They were all in pairs of two, staying close to who they were courting. Weirdly, Nazi stayed close to Ancom and Commie, even though Conservative would’ve expected him to just stay alone. Socialist and Anfem were having a good time, crying with each other as they sobbed the lyrics of the song that they loved.

Homofash was originally alone, fiddling with his fingers as he watched. This only changed at Anfem and Socialist’s prompting for Conservative to go close to him, which he did, but _very_ hesitantly. Homofash was open to this, smiling up at Conservative as he grew closer.

The whole night, Conservative felt it— the tension between them, the tingling reaching from his heart to his fingers as he, for the first time in his life, initiated something beautiful. He took his hand into Homofash’s, his knuckles curling around the nationalist’s as he took a breathy sigh. He tensed his muscles, closing his eyes as he felt Homofash squeeze his hand.

He knew this was the beginning of the end. He knew that this was wrong, that he had a wife and kid at home, he knew he was being selfish but he couldn’t help it. He wanted to feel— he wanted to have true romance. And if that was going to be between two men, then so be it. It was just for one night, after all; one night that can change his life forever.

Tonight, he was going to find out if he was a homosexual, if the answer wasn’t already clear enough. He had never lusted not felt for his wife like this, he had never felt for anyone like this. He felt like a teenager again, with all of these new emotions and hormones fucking his brain up. He was starting to understand, now, why all the other couples looked so loving and attached. And despite never having that with his wife, he wanted that with Homofash only after a few days of meeting him.

Is this what it’s like? Is this what love feels like, ever so painful and yet so beautiful at the same time? Forcing you to be so enticed with one person, wanting to fuck them into oblivion, wanting to hold their hand forever? Because if this is what love is, is this what he had been missing all of his life?

He wasn’t sure why he had never felt these emotions before in his nearly two centuries worth of life. He hated how they had to rush in now, even after he settled down with his wife and had generations worth of children with her. ‘Love is evil,’ he thought, just as Homofash rested his head on his shoulder— and he didn’t even try to push him off.

  
  
  
  


The rest of the concert was fine. Conservative and Homofash stayed in that intimate position for the rest of the night, gawking as the civilian celebrity sang beautifully into the crowd. Homofash wanted to buy a concert tee, but Cosnervative wanted so desperately to just go back to the hotel that Homofash decided not to.

The ride back was nice. He and Homofash sat in the backseat, with Homofash sleeping in Conservative’s lap while resting his legs on Nazi’s. Ancap was driving while he held Libertarian’s hand, and Conservative bit his lip at the sight. He wanted that— the casual feeling of love. It was beautiful how causal all of the ideologies were with their love, in some sort of free-spirited, carefree, American kind of way. He always noticed how causal love is in America, at least ever since he immigrated here back in the 1930’s. He never wanted that feeling until now— and it was nearly liberating.

“Did you see the way that one civilian was looking at us? I swear I was about to bop him in the face.” Homofash chuckled as he and Conservative stepped back into their hotel room. The smell of Homofash’s strong cologne was reeling in the air, and before this moment, it was a bit annoying; but now, it was one of the most comforting things he’s experienced in a while.

Homofash was rambling, going on and on about how he loved the concert and some weird guy who was staring at him. Even though Conservative couldn’t care less about what Homofash was saying, he listened anyway. To most people, the sound of Homofash’s voice was annoyingly feminine and over the top, but to Conservative, it was cute— and he figured that was what made them special, made them _real,_ because there wasn’t one thing about Homofash that Conservative disliked. In fact, Homofash could do just about _anything_ and Conservative would still admire him.

Tension was growing within him as he stood there, listening to Homofash speak as he was getting comfortable and ready for bed. Honestly, he probably seemed weird by just standing there and saying not even a word— just watching Homofash do… whatever he did. He felt like he was missing something, as if he didn’t do enough by just holding his hand. He knew if Anfem and Socialist were here, they would prompt him to kiss the nationalist— and he should— but God, he was _terrified._

There wasn’t any debate in Conservative’s mind that Homofash would push him away, he would most definitely kiss back, but he couldn’t bring himself to do it. He knew that if he did, there was no backing out of this, there was no way he could just set it aside after leaving. He would be kissing someone other than his wife, and not just anyone— another man.

‘Two sins at once,’ he thought, grimacing as he contemplated about it shortly. He remembered, though, when Anfem had said to him earlier; that if he was already going to go to hell for touching himself at the sight of Nazi and Ancap, he might as well go all in. All hell ‘punishments’ are created equal, anyway. So why does it matter?

“We should’ve done LSD at the concert. Would’ve completed the whole experience…” Homofash trailed off as Conservative rested a hand on his shoulder, and Homofash turned to face him. They were awfully close, standing at the end of Conservative’s bed as they stared at one another.

It was now or never, Conservative thought, and he knew if he backed out now he would never know what it was like to kiss someone he loved, to kiss a man, to kiss _Homofash._ Part of him was screaming that missing out on those parts of life is what would land him in heaven, and that missing out was a good thing— but he wasn’t completely sure. If God really hated homosexuals, why did he make _Christian Conservative_ this way, the pinnacle of all things relating to chrsitianity and conservation. He figured that it just have been a challenge from God, for Conservative to prove how dedicated he is to his faith.

But sometimes, challenges are meant to be lost.

Conservative sealed the space in between the two with his lips, cupping Homofash softly as he kissed the younger man. It was so painful yet so beautiful, multitudes of uncorrellated emotions colliding with one another as Homofash kissed him back. Homofash tasted of cigarettes and red velvet, something so unfamiliar to Conservative but god did he _love it._

He had never kissed anyone else besides Christlib, and there was a very noticeable difference. Homofash kissed weird— occasionally using his tongue and kisses as if he was hungry. Christlib, on the other hand, kisses more modestly, and Conservative always felt the bad taste of her lip gloss when he did. He would’ve never decided this before now, but he much preferred Homofash’s; it was exciting, interesting, lustful, and unlike Christlib’s; Conservative never wanted this to end.

Homofash sighed into the kiss, resting his left hand on the back on Conservative’s neck and his right on Conservative’s midriff, drawing the other authoritarian ever so closer, leaving no passing space for air. Conservative could tell that Homofash had been wanting to do this for a while, as well— and he only just realized that the passing glances, the brushing of fingers, and the sly winks were obvious attempts at flirting; which Conservative was ever so dumbly oblivious to.

He felt Homofash’s hand tighten around his midriff, and Conservative felt the shorter man try to guide him onto the bed. 

And for the first time in his life, Conservative didn’t hesitate.

He sat at the edge of the bed before suddenly feeling the bed dip around him, and a newfound weight straddling him. He let out a shaky sigh as he wrapped his arms around Homofash’s waist, holding him tight against him. He had never done something like this before, nobody had ever kissed him like this, held him like this, _sat_ on him like this— it was all so foreign, so unfamiliar, and so new that Conservative could barely even handle it. He felt as if the world could be burning, crashing around him and he wouldn’t care; because he’s here, relishing in a feeling he had never felt once before in his life. He never wanted this to end.

Conservative let out a small whine as he felt Homofash ground down on a particular spot before parting their lips. Just when he was about to ask why Homofash parted the kiss, and felt many light kisses run down his jawline and to his neck. Homofash’s knees loosened up a bit, signaling that he was about to get off the bed and onto the floor, and Conservative quickly made a mental image of what that could possibly look like.

“I’ve been wanting to do this for so long, baby,” Homofash mumbled as he left from Conservative’s neck, focusing on unbuttoning his blue dress shirt. He only unbuttoned it halfway, though, stopping at some point and made short lived eye contact with the other authoritarian.

“Not to be forward or anything, but I _really_ want to suck you off. Is… is that okay?” Homofash said it in a way that made Conservative want to jump out of his seat. He had never done such an act before, for that would be sinful— but it’s not like there was any going back now from here. He couldn’t even bring himself to say no, anyway— who could deny an offer that sweet?

“Yes, please.” Conservative said quickly, nodding as Homofash chuckled at him. Shit, this is really happening, isn’t it?

Homofash slipped off the bed, bringing himself to his knees as he spread Conservative’ legs apart by grabbing them by his kneecaps. Conservative gulped, looking down at Homofash as a cold sweat broke on his temples. He was nervous, nervous that Homofash was going to do something to mess this up and tell the others afterwards about what happened, and what if they tell his _wife—_ oh God, this was all so much.

“You doing alright up there, big boy? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.” Homofash laughed, but nonetheless looked concerned. He didn’t want to do anything that Conservative wasn’t comfortable with, hell, he would probably be apologizing for _ages_ if he ever mad Conservative uncomfortable in any way. He appreciated this, how Homofash cared enough to ask; considering he knew that most ideologies in the Authright wouldn’t give two fucks anyway.

“Yeah, I just.. I’ve never done something like this before.” Conservative mumbled it in embarrassment.

“What? Been with a guy?”

“No, just.. _this._ In general.” 

“You’ve never gotten a B-J before? Jeez, you really are a Christian.” Homofash smirked up at him, looking cute as ever.

“Yeah.” He felt slightly humiliated. “I just don’t know how it’s going to feel. It is very daunting.” 

“We don’t have to do it if you don’t want to, y’know. If you don’t feel ready n’all.” _No_.

“No, no. I’m nervous, but, I don’t think that in my life I’ve ever needed something so _bad_ more than now.” He sounded choked up and desperate as he felt his pants start to tighten around him, and it was very hard to keep his legs still at the moment. He wasn’t lying nor exaggerating, either— he was convinced that if he didn’t go to bed tonight without having his first ever sexual experience with a man he would probably have a heart attack. 

“You really need it that bad, huh?” Homofash said it in a teasing way, and his voice was more feminine than normal. Conservative hated how hot he found that. It made his toes curl.

“Mhm.” It came out almost like a whine as he felt Homofash brush over a sensitive spot before applying pressure, palming him through his jeans.

“Guess I’ll have to accommodate you, then.” The nationalist winked, pulling down the dark fly zipper all the way down to its base before unbuttoning the top button. Conservative watched in near _agony_ as Homofash slowly pulled down his white briefs. He bit his lip to stop himself from whining as his length sprung out, slightly embarrassed as he saw Homofash flinch.

“Shit, I guess the years you of fantasizing about you really accumulated to _something_ , huh?” Homofash bit his lip, staring at Conservative’s length as he wrapped his hand around the base, making Conservative keen.

“Y-you fantasized about me?” Conservative asked shakily, watching as Homofash quickly licked his hand.

“Of course I did. When I met you back in the 50’s you were like, the hottest guy I’ve ever seen, and you still are today.” Homofash smiled up at him, sliding his hand up and down Conservative’s cock, and each time he brushed by the head, Conservative twitched.

“Well, I wouldn’t say that— _aaah!_ ” Conservative was cut off as he felt Homofash lick a stripe on the underside of Conservative’s cock, and teasing the tip. He hadn’t expected Homofash to go all in so soon, and work up to things slowly like Christlib did. He learned _much_ more things tonight than he expected to.

Homofash kitten-licked the tip, teasing at it while he palmed himself with both of his hands. He stared up at Conservative with wide, glossy eyes as he licked all around his cock, drooling as he maintained strong eye contact with the older ideology. Conservative gripped the sheets, letting out small, desperate noises. He tried his best not to move his legs, and it felt as if they were about to shake. 

Is this normal? Did heterosexual couples do this, or were him and Christlib considered normal? Or were they just _very_ bland in bed, and this was the standard? Conservative had so many questions, and all of them were overshadowed by the overwhelming fear of the realization of Conservative being a homosexual, and realizing his marriage was loveless all along.

He didn’t have time to worry about that now, though. He had bigger things in front of him— and they were on their knees.

“Holy _shit—!_ Homofash…” Conservative moaned loudly as the nationalist wrapped his lips around Conservative’s tip, licking it from the inside as he slowly lowered his head lower and lower before he hit the base of Conservative’s cock. He felt his cock reach down to the hilt, flush against the back of Homofash’s throat, slightly bent downward. He relished at the sight of Homofash choking on his cock, staring up at Conservative with teary eyes as he forced himself to take it all.

This was degenerate. God, this was _so_ degenerate. He had no idea why he agreed to this, why he wanted this, why he asked for this, and most importantly— why he was _enjoying_ this. This felt better than anything him and Christlib had done before, and this was supposed to be the precursor to sex, it wasn’t even supposed to feel as good— but it did. It was almost unexplainable. Maybe it was the way Homofash looked wrecked, maybe it was the way he circled his tongue around the head, or maybe it was the way he bobbed his head up and down at a continuous pace without shame. 

But he didn’t complain.

He loved it.

“Conservative…” Homofash popped off his cock and whispered his name against his cock in a fucked-out voice, and it was only then when Conservative realized Homofash was touching himself. He kissed the tip over and over again, flush against his cock before taking his length again, but only reaching halfway. Homofash was squirming in the grip of his own hand, moaning around Conservative’s cock as he stroked himself.

Conservative was floored— was convinced he had never seen anything, or _anyone_ , so hot in his life; he had never thought anything so sexual would be so appealing to him until now.

This trip proved Conservative’s entire existence wrong. It invalidated his entire life, actually, as he was so ready and willing to throw away his conservative values and risk his marriage to get a quick fuck with the fag he couldn’t stop himself from thinking about everyday. He wondered why this was, why he gave himself up for this homosexual even though he had the perfect nuclear family back home in Fort Thomas. He hated to admit it, but he knew progress won— and Conservative achieving his own selfish happiness at all costs only contributed to it.

They continued like that for a while, with Homofash bobbing up and down Conservative’s cock while Conservative gripped the sheets, whining and moaning loudly. It was nothing like how rough and inherently dirty Nazi and Ancap were when Comservative saw them— it was gentle, loving and full of care, making Conservative feel warm inside everytime he looked down at the fascist. If anything, it was beautiful; it was the first time Conservative ever felt true sexual and romantic attraction to another being, and it got to the point where he thought that he didn’t want to leave Santa Monica. He wanted to stay here, in this tense moment of sexual love and desire forever, burning up in Homofash’s hold. It was all he ever wanted.

It had only been around five minutes, but he felt like he was about to finish in the nationalist’s mouth. Normally, he would be embarrassed by not lasting so long, but he had an excuse, that being Homofash was just too fucking _good._

He thought that he would eventually gain more and more tolerance as he continued doing these acts with Homofash, but he soon realized that this trip was going to be over in three or four days.

This wasn’t forever. It was never going to be forever.

They were never set up to work out since the beginning.

He knew that this was supposed to be a one time thing; something for him to do to try and figure out his sexuality, but he dove in with his emotions _way_ too fucking deep, and there was no backing out now.

Conservative screwed his eyes shut, the darkness behind his eyelids flashing spurts of white in his vision, and he felt as if he was racing in the lights as he came inside Homofash’s throat without much warning. Homofash looked slightly surprised as he looked up at him, quickly popping off Conservative’s cock with a whine, visibly swallowing all of Conservative’s ejaculate. Conservative’s breath went shaky as he watched him, and it was apparent that Homofash already came as he brought his hand up, which was soaked in his own come, and licked that up as well.

“Did I do good for you?” Homofash nearly whispered it as he lapped up the come on his finger, looking up at Comservative with large puppy dog eyes that Conservative knew he was going to miss once he flew back home.

“So good for me, my love, so good.” Conservative whispered it back, reaching down a bit to rub a hand through Homofash’s hair. Homofash keened at the nickname before suddenly lifting himself off of his knees to give Conservative a quick kiss before saying,

“Your come tastes like crackers.” He teased, smiling against Conservative’s lips before he playfully pushed him away.

“You’re insane.” Conservative chuckled, quickly standing up and stuffing his cock back into his briefs as he zipped up his fly. 

“Can I sleep in your bed tonight? I kinda wanna cuddle.” Homofash asked sheepishly, and Conservative looked down for just a second to see that Homofash was doing the same.

“Yes, you may, but I am going to take a shower first. I feel very sweaty,” Conservative said, and Homofash nodded in response as Conservative heard Homofash collapse onto his bed after he turned around.

He walked weird as he approached the hotel bathroom. It was only when he looked into the mirror and seeing his wrecked self was when post sex clarity hit, and a sudden feeling of shame a guilt washed upon him. He had gone against all of his morals, all of his beliefs, and most importantly, his _religion_ all because of some stupid first ever crush. His breath went shaky, looking down at the large cross pendant that rested against the skin of his chest, and mumbling an apology as he held it tightly in his hand. He whispered a small prayer, something along the lines of ‘God, Jesus, please forgive me of my sins,’ and his eyes were screwed tight to the point where it almost hurt.

When he let go of the cross, it broke. The pendant fell to the floor, and it laid there, lifeless and unmoving as Conservative stared at it dumbfounded.

“You alright?” 

“What have you done to me, my love? What the fuck have you done?”

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> please tell me you guys understood the please tread on me joke please god
> 
> and also there was a sex with a ghost fic reference for funsies
> 
> tell me if it sucked.
> 
> twitter : anarchobeck


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